Plonk
About
Have you ever had dinner guests over who outstay there welcome? Have you ever needed something to distract your partner's attention away from your awful cooking? Are you currently looking for an almost-ethically viable way of knocking off an old family member?
Well look no further...
Plonk is the UK's finest purveyor of dangerously low-quality wine at reasonably high prices. Our wines taste so bad; even we can't stand the stuff.
Over the years we have had excellent feedback from our customers, including some comments from some names that you may recognise:
"The bottle of Poison Chalice that I bought from Plonk certainly had the desired effect. What that effect was I'd prefer it remain a mystery." - JOHN CLEESE
"My culinary skills leave something to be desired. Buying in bulk from Plonk has certainly made my wife ignorant towards this fact" - MICHAEL PALIN
"Hmmmm. This poison chalice tastes......" - MARGARET THATCHER (1925 - 2013)
TEAM
CORNELIUS HUCKLEBERRY (PICTURED OPPOSITE) - OWNER
& HEAD WINE CHOOSER
Establishing 'Plonk' in March 1984, the idea for the business became clear after Cornelius held a party for a group of chums at his Chiswick apartment in 1983.
At one o'clock in the morning, he had the sudden realisation that he didn't actually care for any one of his guests.
In an attempt to rectify the situation Cornelius rustled through his wine rack to find a bottle of Merlot that he'd won in a tombolo at his local village summer fete five years prior to this fateful night.
Giddy with the thought of finaly getting rid of his guests, he poured the whole bottle evenly between the glasses of his companions.
Within seconds his guests' faces began contorting, their throats gagging at the taste of the foul plonk.
Shortly after, each and every guest vanished and
never called
Cornelius again.
Identifying a gap in the market, Cornelius opened'Plonk' a year later.
